oh shyt, im outta meds...

Just got back from ny. Went up for my Christmas. It was terrible. Besides the fact that all we did was sit around and eat all day, literally. That’s all we do. Sit together all day (all three of them) just putting food in our mouths and drinking. My fam, not immediate, has a drinking problem. I feel fat as fuck which just makes me feel even worse. My family is also super dysfunctional. Like none other. Nothing but fighting. I wanted to slit my throat this whole weekend. It was only yelling and crying and in denial of soooo many things. And my cousin came with his supppper boring wife and his two brats. He doesn’t parent them, hes wife doesn’t understand discipline, so they are literally hurting people. And theyre 2 ½ and 1!!! Im pretty positive the oldest kid has autism, cause I learned it in school, but we cant say anything. And I tried hinting (bad me) and the wife had an excuse for everything. And she really thinks that her kids are geniuses! Like cannot do any wrong and are so beyond all the other kids. Oh is that why youre at your fifth preschool cause the teachers are having problems with your kid? Sigggh….

And on top of that, im fucking pissed at M. hes trying to be with his ex again. Best friend vented to me about the whole thing, cause I don’t know her, its soooo fucked. Hes in love, shes not. Shes straight up using him. But he doesn’t know what to do. “I love her and know her” meanwhile hes NEVER given anyone else a chance. Even with me, the closer we get, the longer the break between interactions is.  Then hes asking ME what to do. I don’t know her. I told him straight up drop the bitch. Hes like idkkk. I dkkk if I can do better….wow. okay first off ur in denial. Second, u just said that to me. Why me. Say that to others. Me? Does this mean u don’t want me?? It was a long convo, I finally said grow a pair, ur annoying me. He goes, ily you’re funny as fuck….

Fuck my life. No food tomorrow. Tues is my bday. I was excited, now im just pissed.