can i breath now?

so overwhelmed.
so stressed.
too much going on. and more on the way. time is moving too quick and to many things due...
diet.....fucking dont even know any more.
gym...trying to fit in.
good news, stepped on scale at hospital, down to 148. fingers crossed for new weight and not just good day.

my heart still hearts. starting to not think about M all the time, but still feel like shit. empty. a failure.

in hell

i cant handle my life.
im so overwhelmed with everything i dont even know how to feel.

im in soooo much trouble with my parents. im about one fight away from being homeless. my dad just got outta surgery for his foot, hes fine just immobile which is making everything worse. theres too much going on school and work wise. started at hospital, which is awesome, but eats up too much time. no choice tho....i feel like a blob. i dont even know what ive eaten this past week. and havnt been able to go to gym. thats whats getting me the worse. the no gym. working out really helps my anxiety amoung other things....and its rush week with my frat so were super busy with that. this past weekend my friends and i got too drunk. we were taking shoots too quickly so it hit all at once. i was tired so i ended up passing out. they went out....i spent all day yesterday bailing them out of jail......i still feel like death, and i cant see out of one eye for some reason. its all red and watering.....and im so not over M. its killing me that i still think about him. and the worse i feel, the more i want to just talk to him....oh and i need to figure out my summer internship for school by the end of this month, along with getting a personal training certification. i cant do this
sorry, not enough time to really find thinspo....

we could look good together

i start at the hospital tomorrow. super nervous, which means im stress eating. fml.
this morning before stepping into the shower i looked in the mirror. i think i look slimmer. not showing on scale but visibly a little bit...i thought i had a gap between my thighs, but when i stood up straighter it disappeared =( at least its kinda there, im closer.

M has a problem with our size difference. hasnt said anything but i can tell. still havnt talked to him, but cant stop thinking bout it. my body frame is a little wider than his, and hes a little shorter even in flats. i dont know how much is just the height, but since i cant change that i NEED to be smaller than him in everything else. i need  for him to look at me and think, wow shes small....

scales playing tricks on me

im so tired, stressed, hopeless
every time i step on the scale i get a different number. the range is 146-152.
i dont know any more.
the other day at the gym, this girl was perfect. super skinny and in shape. bones and muscle definition. i think she maybe a dancer at school, but idk. so jealous