okay, this is a long post but i would love it if you actually read it and tell me what you think. hopefully it wont be boring, my friends that i told this too eat it up. they say my life is better than tv...hahaha
I started blogging after a boy left me. I didn't want to talk about him on here because I wanted to move on. I felt that by writing it down, being able to go back, would not help. well, surprise!! he came back...
So here's the story. I will refrain from being too graphic, buuuut no promises lol and i will try to only share the main points and not just ramble....like rite now =P
One of my good friends from school (R) moved off campus with two other people. They have a really nice apartment, i love hanging out with her, and pretty much anytime we get together were drinking. As soon as R officially moved in i was over a good amount. shes from Delaware so for her to be five min from school, to which i commute, was perfect! this also happened over the summer so we didnt have any real obligations and could just have fun. i became friends with the roommates, K and G. they were cool and fun, esps G. K latched on to me pretty quickly, which is weird for me cause im not like that, but it was whatever.
Cut to fourth of july. Of course they were going to have a party and of course i was going. couldnt come at a better time. the two weeks before the 4th were crazy super busy for me with getting hired at my internship, starting my online summer class, finally went to the doctor for my depression (best friend made me), and crap at home. I was so excited. excited for a break, excited to hang with her again, excited to drink! haha i went over like mid day. R asked if i wanted to go to chipotle with them, i didnt want to be home so i said fuck yes. went over to her place, everyones washing and theres this boy there. super cute, cool outfit, in my head i went 'damn'. i had no idea who he was, and it didnt matter. I assumed he was there with someone. R was there and her bf (who i adore, J) was over. G is gay, and K is a whore. Like legit, im not being mean. and its not like shes hot so she gets it, shes just sooooo easy....so this boy could be there for either one of them. Thats what i assumed, and i was just so happy to be over there and partying. He introduced himself, M, and we went to eat. then we went to the ABC store, got some tequila, and stopped to get sparklers, then came back.
To my shock, noone else came. so it was just the 6 of us. we played pong, and J and i dominated. like redic dominated that table!!! had a good time playing with everyone too. as we were talking M wasnt really paying attention to G or K, so i thought he had a gf. curious to who the fuck this boy whom i have never met but am taking shots with. i decided to inquire lol he was funny, i wanted to know his story, i knew everyone else...found out his R's friend, they went to HS together, ran into each other at the apartment complex, reunited, and he and his gf just recently broke up. i will be completely honest, once i found that out, nothing changed for me. i was having a good time, and i noticed K was flirting with him. M started talking to me more, like just me, and asking about me. he was funny, and easy to talk too. K was still trying to get his attention. so finally i asked her, what the deal was. does she like him, are they talking, are they fuck buddies. in fact, i asked 10 times if she liked him. every time she said, its not like that. well he asked for my number, and started having a text convo with me too. next thing i know, K is pissed. shes telling me how pissed she is cause hes talking to me in front of her under her roof....what?...i didnt understand, nor did i care cause i was having fun with G. then K invites some guy, she tells me, to make M jealous....what? i didnt understand what was going on. but all i know was M was ignoring her, and wanted to go smoke with me. summing up the nite, everyone started passing out, K's guest got kicked out, and i left to go smoke with M. which was a huge issue for K...w/e. i wanted to smoke, and M was funny. and hot. so we went to his place, smoked, and ended up having sex. now i dont normally sleep with someone the first time i meet them, and have only slept with 3 prior. but i was drunk on tequila, and now stoned, and he was hot, and i was horny.
best. sex. ever. ever. eeevvvveer. it was amazing, and felt rite. afterwards we talked for a bit before passing out. it was a nice convo, but the one thing that really sticks with me was, he asked if there was anything he should know. if i was crazy or had issues....who asks that after having sex the first time you meet someone!!! he was like, its fine if there is anything and i wont leave you ill stay by your side and everything, but i just want to know.....thats like the sweetest and weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me...and the weird part was, i had been on my new meds for a week but noone knew...and i felt so comfortable with him, i told him. just as we were falling asleep, his phone goes off. R texts him, we need to talk tom. he also has about 20 texts from K pissed off. i couldnt fall asleep. he did, and it felt so good to lay with him. but i got up and left. i figured he just wanted a one nighter, and i sobered up by that point and was like WTF what did you just do?! so i left.
he blew up my phone. like blew it up. ive never had someone blow up my phone. all week long, started convos through out the day...it was really nice actually. i was busy with two jobs so i couldnt hang as much. then im talking to him and all of a sudden he tells me hes with his ex...i asked what now, and he said honestly idk. we were together for four years so its tough you know? but i want to be completely honest with you, i never want to hurt you. so i figured its over. ive kinda found out that they broke out about 3 weeks before i met him...4 years with her, 4 week since, two weeks with me....but he still talked to me, and we partied again. not at R's. K hates me now. like talks shit behind my back and im not allowed over if shes there. we ended up hooking up again. i stayed the whole nite this time. he walked me to my car in the morn, and kissed me good bye. this happened a couple more times. amazing sex, that felt rite, and we both were trying to make the other one happy. hes the first guy i ever gave head too, and he doesnt stop talking about. he doesnt stop talking about how good i am. and he calls me sexy. he even told everyone that im the best hes ever had. and its so sweet cause he wants me to cum so badly but idk how to get myself off let alone tell him... and he dont just fuck. we talk too. found out were a lot alike, same type of childhood, same types of problems. but hes like the total ying to my yang. everything i have trouble doing, like not constantly having to be doing something lol, he does so easily. then i found out hes ex randomly stops by. idk what they do r talk about, but when shes over, hes dead to the world...but then came rite back to me. he complains to R, but never talked about her to me. my god was i on cloud nine. i was so happy. and we werent committed. and yes i would love that but i knew i would have to wait for him to be done with the ex. in a convo i mentioned that i really like spending time with him. he kinda flipped out. wait you dont like me rite, the last thing i ever want to do to you is hurt you. dude, i said i like spending time with you (in my head, n i fucking love your dick) thats when he went MIA.
for about a month didnt hear from him. his lease was up so he had to go somewhere, idk where. yea i was heart broken. i dont know what i did wrong. still dont. a month later, school already started by this point, i went over to R. i was a mess. im depressed, more depressed since he left, got fired from gym job, my parents decided to divorce, and i was getting kicked outta home. of course, M was there. he liked picked up where we left up. in fact, everyone thought we were a couple. it was a legit party, and everyone thought we were together. we ended up having sex again. i missed him soooo much....but it wasnt the same after. no texts, no nothing. i felt terrible, and used, but i let myself be used. i just wanted him. we kept running into each other at Rs. didnt talk, it was weird. then one day he said, dont talk to me again. then again mia
i wanted to die.
found out two weeks, he was staying at R for a a couple of months. i hadnt been over cause ive been so busy and barely in the state on weekends. well also found out, he left to go home (which is actually closer to me than R) to go fix things with his ex. i died. and though i had not moved on, i now had to.
breath. okay thats the catch up, now for the real wtf
last nite he texted me. hoping a had a good thanksgiving. of course i responded. it was like he wanted to pick up where we left off, but catch up too. he asked me so many questions....and remembered which grad school i wanted to go to. i mentioned that once, the first nite we hooked up, but he remembered. he started calling me baby again and everything. i was like, wtf. last time we talked you said no more, and last i heard you were going to go fix things with your ex. he tells me she seeing someone. doesnt want to be with him, hes not good enough. she broke up with me cause im not good enough. i said shes an idiot and not cute. he responded, shes super cute and an idiot. im just not good enough. i said, girls dont break up cause of that. when were in love, were stupid in love. he goes, yeeeaaahhhh weeelll. i say, weeelll youre still in love with her. he goes i have to move on, im just trying to forget her. we end up talking to like 4 in the morning. round 2, idk what happened but he became pushy and desperate. he wanted me to send him a pic. like a sexy pic, topless. i was not okay with that. he did not take no for an answer. then i started calling me a lair and how he hates lairs. im like, i have never lied to you...??? i stopped replying. today he texted me. he apologized and said he went way over the line and was quite drunk. i said, your fine.
i dont know what to do. in the time i was with him, i fell in love. honest. when i see him, my heart skips a beat. talking to him also just puts a smile on my face. even things that depress me, didnt seem so bad when i talked to him. when i was held by him. kissing him. but what do i do? how do i go about this? or does this just sound like a bad situation...please help me
the fact that i may have him back, is tots helping my control with food tho. ahhh yeeeaahhh!!
hes soooo hot, and smaller than me. i just want him to think im hot....
