I just want to die...

Literally yesterday i was gonna write a post about how ive been doing better. on how i def think my meds are helping with the depression and i think im getting better at being happy.

today, i fell....am still falling....into a black hole. I want to curl up and die, or at least cry.

I feel like complete shit. Today was horrible. I slept horribly. Kept tossing and turning and woke up round 5 and couldn’t go back to sleep for the longest time. I had a very important presentation today so I had to get all dressed up, couldn’t find my eye liner, then I was running late. Went to grab my multi vitamin (which I need cause its one with higher calcium because my levels are super low since im lactose intolerant) and knocked over my dads prescription bottle that was in front of it, the cap wasn’t on so his pills went EVERYWHERE. No I was even later cause I had to go pick them all up…..

And its raining outside so traffic was terrible. Its like people forget how to drive when its raining…

My presentation went horrible. My partner didn’t do his half from the beginning. Literally started working on it the day it was due, and didn’t finish…and im crazy about my grades and do work…and during the presentation he started making things up or saying the worng thing. The professor did not look happy….there goes my grade, my gpa, and so much for getting into the honors fraternity this semester.

Then at work, here right now, every things going to shyt. Im in a terrible mood (worsened by my period), the youngest has a migraine so she’s half crying, and the oldest basically said, im not doing anything im suppose to today….

WTFFFF

Like usually they are so easy and fun, what is going on???? And she’s slowly been slowing down on her homework. So today I got a call from the mom, she’s upset because they aren’t doing what they’re suppose to, and of course its my fault since my job is keep them on task……ugggh like ive been the cool nanny this whole time so we’ve been getting along

I don’t know what to do. I just wanna cry…

I want to talk to M

I want to die.

Or take a bunch of pain killers and sleep forever….  

I hate what I see in the mirror, and the thought of eating anything but a small dinner makes me panic. And no one understands