Am I a Hypocrite?

I study health at school. specifically kinesiology to become a physical therapist. i learn about the body, how to work out, and we touch on nutrition. am i a hypocrite?? i didn't start my major and slowly start hating my body. i hated my body, got obsessed with reading and knowing everything about health and fitness for weight lose, so majoring in it just seemed like a natural fit...when i talk to people i tell them what i learned, not what i do. and i hate when people ask me what i do, cause i can't tell them. i can't tell them i watch every bite i take. i cant tell them that if i can't go to the gym for at least an hour i start to lose it. i can't tell them i sit in front of my mirror at nite seeing what more i need to do and wanting to cry, and avoid all mirrors otherwise. i can't tell them that as much as i want to hang out with you, you always want to go grab food or meet up for dinner where i can't come up with an excuse to not eat.

I have dreams of my perfect body. it involves muscle and im not weak, but its smaller than i am now. its smaller than most people at the gym. i want to be able to see my hip bones, collar bones, shoulder blades,  and kinda my ribs. i want a flat stomach with some definition. i want a cute round butt. i want toned legs with thighs that dont touch. i want toned skinny arms. i dont want to have such a fat face. i have pretty good check bones that are trying to show. ive given up on the scale, at least for now. with muscle weight lose is even slower, so im looking for the visual difference. the smaller clothes size, people noticing, etc....

some day real soon i need to take pictures, something i can also look back at. ill post them here, and we can all tear it apart haha =)