Losing Control

I need help!!! Im losing my mind and control. Its hard to be positive and optimistic when everything in your life is going to shit. I have no support system, all my close friends are miles away, im so alone. My dads company is going under, so hes losing his job. We aren’t sure when, but its not a ‘if’ it’s a ‘when’. When that happens we cant afford where we live so were gonna have to mood. But wait my parents don’t even wanna stay in the DMV area, they wanna go north to be closer to family and other Russians. And the best twist, they hate each other. Have been going through a divorce for 23 years now. So with this, finally comes the divorce. My dad, who I love and cant function without, wants to go to maine. My mom wants to go to penn cause she can get a job there. Where does that leave me? Homeless. I still have a year at school, and to transfer now would put me sooo far behind. Not worth it. Oh and I got laid off from my job, because I asked to be full time and the stingy fat fuck who owns the gym wont have anyone be full time because he doesn’t wanna pay people so much money or have to deal with benefits etc. so now, im really screwed cause I don’t even know how im gonna pay for the gas it takes to get to school.

And the boy I was ‘seeing’, well we got into a tiff and now hes mia, not cause of our fight but hes not in the area doing something and wont respond to me anymore. Honestly that whole relationship is sooo FUCKED up that im surprised that didn’t put me into a mental hospital. But I love him…well maybe not love. That waaaay to strong, but def liked a lot. He made even my worse days not a problem, and he doesn’t even know that. He doesn’t know that through tears when I see a text from him my heart skips a beat and I smile. No matter what the text says….he used to text me every day. No one texts me every day… I miss him so much. And at the same time, I don’t wanna see him again. Ugh like a said the relationship was not great.

On top of all this, my parents snooped in my room and found my prescriptions for depression. Theyre pissed. Esps my dad, who now only thinks that I am in a good mood and crack jokes because of some chemical, not ever cause im okay that day/moment. Hes so against it, and thinks im just gonna get addicted to the high. I tried explaining to him that’s not how this works, but he doesn’t wanna hear it. Hes now also watching what im eating. Hes like, ‘your nothing but skin and bones’ I wish!!! I havnt been able to lose weight for so long now! I lost hope and control and I eat so fucking much now. He watches what I eat and what I take to eat for school and work. And when hes not home he looks at the food we do have to see how much is missing. I even tried the whole ate out with friends, but he doesn’t believe me because im broke. I just wanna be skinny. Once im skinny things will go better……