another midterm on mon, not ready. dont even want to look at the material. its not going to be easy tho. but i cant even focus on it. in fact its been brought to my attention that i cant focus all the time. even my therapist says so, so im going to talk to my doctor about it. I prob have whats called inattentive adhd. its one where you arent disruptive or cant sit still, but where your mind is in 100 different places. this may actually be one of the causes of my depression because no matter what i do im thinking about everything. over thinking situations that i cant change or replaying things that went wrong.
this also showed how much M really did a number of me. i clearly fell for him.....and all i wanna do is talk to him.
not even. im not gonna lie, i miss us doing what we norm do. have fun, play around, and have amazing sex all nite. i still dont understand what happened. i still dont understand why we stopped. why we stopped acknowledging each other. hes on his way to obx rite now...not that he told me.
im binging. i hate myself as i do it, but i dont know what else to do. it makes me feel better as im eating tho. i havnt had real food in so long. i havnt had meat in so long. n i cant purge. i have no gag reflex, took some lax tho....i can feel the weight gain. i can feel me getting fat and being unattractive. i will never be loved.
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