i just didnt have time to tend to my blog. and i think it made me worse. ive been so stressed, so over whelmed, so depressed, and i could talk to anyone. and im pretty sure i ate more than i wanted to because i felt guilty everyday. sometimes i didnt even notice i was eating until half way thru, and then i was like 'wtf???'
i did weigh myself the other day i was back up a couple pounds. which made everything even worse. but im also made bloated on my period....the worse really is what i see in the mirror. i look fatter and squishier in the mirror, and that makes me so disappointed. i wanted to take another self picture to compare to the new year, but just couldnt.
M is offically back with the ex. in fact theyre in maimi rite now. i dont expect to hear from him again. the only thing that kinda made me smile about all this is that i had more people come to my 23rd birthday, on a week nite, than he did on his 21st. he turned 21 like a week ago, and picture came up on facebook. she was there, and like three family members. thats it. not even his immediate family. your not better off without me. youre with a crazy bitch, with no friends. and anyone who was your friend hates her and never wants to hang out with her. am i over him? hell no. am i better than before? yes.
Things arent okay at home at all. My dad had to get foot surgery so hes doing miserably. and his been getting on my case with certain things. my mom....well i never got along with her i tried to, i tried to like her, and then i realized who much of a cunt she is and how much i hate her. i try not to come home any more to avoid all the screaming and abuse. but then my dad thinks im out doing drugs and having sex and worrying. My mom snoops thru my things now too. she had my cigs. after she yelled for 30 min straight, we stopped talking all together. we dont even acknowledge each other rite now. Then my dad got on me. he didnt yell, but a lecture none the less. about how im about to graduate and have such a great future and a great foundation, and that im throwing it ALL away. that nows not the time to try to 'breakout'. life isn't all about sex drugs drinking smoking etc.
he wants to know whats wrong. i dont wanna talk about it. i dont wanna tell him. i mean how do you say, i hate this family. i hate my life. i hate where i am. i hate everything about myself. im trying to be happy, make friends, and do something other than curl up in the corner. im tired of crying myself to sleep.
i did weigh myself the other day i was back up a couple pounds. which made everything even worse. but im also made bloated on my period....the worse really is what i see in the mirror. i look fatter and squishier in the mirror, and that makes me so disappointed. i wanted to take another self picture to compare to the new year, but just couldnt.
M is offically back with the ex. in fact theyre in maimi rite now. i dont expect to hear from him again. the only thing that kinda made me smile about all this is that i had more people come to my 23rd birthday, on a week nite, than he did on his 21st. he turned 21 like a week ago, and picture came up on facebook. she was there, and like three family members. thats it. not even his immediate family. your not better off without me. youre with a crazy bitch, with no friends. and anyone who was your friend hates her and never wants to hang out with her. am i over him? hell no. am i better than before? yes.
Things arent okay at home at all. My dad had to get foot surgery so hes doing miserably. and his been getting on my case with certain things. my mom....well i never got along with her i tried to, i tried to like her, and then i realized who much of a cunt she is and how much i hate her. i try not to come home any more to avoid all the screaming and abuse. but then my dad thinks im out doing drugs and having sex and worrying. My mom snoops thru my things now too. she had my cigs. after she yelled for 30 min straight, we stopped talking all together. we dont even acknowledge each other rite now. Then my dad got on me. he didnt yell, but a lecture none the less. about how im about to graduate and have such a great future and a great foundation, and that im throwing it ALL away. that nows not the time to try to 'breakout'. life isn't all about sex drugs drinking smoking etc.
he wants to know whats wrong. i dont wanna talk about it. i dont wanna tell him. i mean how do you say, i hate this family. i hate my life. i hate where i am. i hate everything about myself. im trying to be happy, make friends, and do something other than curl up in the corner. im tired of crying myself to sleep.
Oh sweetie :( I'm sorry you feel so low and things are crap atm :( But at least you know you have good friends who came to your night out :) Please stay strong, these feeling will fade <3
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